Key Takeaways
- Try not to place expectations on your partner as to how they should behave after finding out their parent has cancer
- Encourage your partner to take care of themselves. Gently encourage them to eat regularly, get enough sleep and take time to rest.
- Offer support to your partner and their parent. This could include taking on more responsibilities at home or assisting with their parent’s care.
If your partner’s parent has been diagnosed with cancer, seeking guidance around how you can help them come to terms with the news is a really positive step. As well as the internal upheaval a cancer diagnosis can cause, it’s likely they’ll experience changes to their day-to-day life, especially if they are close to their parent and are supporting them through treatment.
While your focus might be on caring for your partner, it’s also important to recognise how your in-law’s diagnosis impacts you and to ensure you allow yourself space to process your own feelings. This guide from Perci Health offers advice on how to support a partner whose parent has cancer, including ways in which you can be there for them practically and emotionally.
Be understanding of their emotions
After finding out that their parent has cancer, your partner is likely to experience a rollercoaster of emotions including fear, sadness, anger, guilt, hope and uncertainty. They may even begin a grieving process, regardless of whether their parent is in the palliative stages of their cancer.
Supporting your partner with these emotions can be challenging, as they change and evolve day by day. Try not to hold on to any expectations about how they should be coping and give them time and space to explore their feelings.
Be patient. Emotions can affect a person’s behaviour, so if your partner isn’t being their usual self, is withdrawn or snappy, try not to take it personally; they simply have a lot on their mind.
Follow their lead
One of the most important ways that you can support your partner is just by being there for them, but pay attention to their cues about what they need.
On the occasions that they open up to you about their feelings or they are speaking about their parent, allow them to be honest and simply listen; they will value feeling truly heard. There may also be times when your partner is quiet and doesn’t want to talk.
Knowing what to say to someone with cancer and their loved ones isn’t easy so if you are unsure about your partner’s boundaries around talking about their parent’s diagnosis, ask them. This will help you both to identify limits and ease tension in your relationship.
Offer support
Support for carers can help prevent burnout, reduce stress, and give your partner more time for themselves. If it’s within your capability, consider offering them practical support to make their life more manageable. This support could relate to the home or the care they are providing to their parent. Changes to your usual routine and relationship dynamics aren’t always easy but be as accommodating as you can.
Encourage self-care
Encourage your partner to maintain self-care habits, such as getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, eating regular, well-balanced meals, and making time for rest and activities they enjoy.
It’s also important that you practise self-care whilst supporting your partner and wider family. Caring for others and shouldering additional responsibilities as they navigate illness can be tough, so if there are times when you feel overwhelmed, know that you aren’t alone. Make time for things that benefit your mental health and physical wellbeing.
If at any point, you feel that you or your partner could benefit from additional practical assistance, don’t be afraid to reach out. Speak to other family members and see if they can help care for your partner’s parent, or contact a cancer charity to see what aid might be available to you. If they haven’t already, encourage your partner to tell their employer that their parent has cancer as they might be able to offer flexible working arrangements or support your partner in other ways.
For mental health support, book an appointment with your GP to discuss how you are feeling or find a counsellor who can provide you with a safe and confidential space to talk.
While we have ensured that every article is medically reviewed and approved, information presented here is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any questions or concerns, please talk to one of our healthcare professionals or your primary healthcare team.