
Key takeaways
- Cancer has a physical and emotional toll on the individual diagnosed but can be difficult for their partner in a multitude of ways
- Talking about how you feel and the changes to your relationship can help you to understand one another and work through any issues together
- Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family or organisations for help, or pursue therapy – individually or within your relationship
Cancer can take a significant toll on relationships, due to its impact on physical and emotional wellbeing, finances, confidence, roles and responsibilities and more. These changes don’t necessarily go away once someone enters recovery, so it’s normal and to be expected if you’re now navigating changes to your relationship. This guide aims to talk about some of the problems that can arise, during treatment and throughout life after cancer, and offers guidance on how you can work through these together.
How can cancer impact relationships?
Everyone responds to a cancer diagnosis differently; feelings can include fear, anger, sadness and disbelief. This can also be true for their loved ones, who may not only have concerns for their partner, but also for how the diagnosis might affect their own life. Here are some of the ways that cancer may impact:
- Finances, including income and savings
- Work and career paths
- Self-esteem
- Physical appearance
- Your relationship with one another and others
- Intimacy and sexual health
- Outlook on life
- Plans for the future
What challenges can arise?
Once someone is in recovery after cancer, it’s not unusual for existing problems to continue or for new ones to develop as a consequence of what you have both been through. Neither one of you are necessarily at fault here, as these issues are often the result of complex internal thoughts and feelings that aren’t shared and can create strain.
There are some common challenges that impact many relationships as a result of one of you having cancer and while these may be tough, frustrating and upsetting to deal with, know that you aren’t alone.
Anger and resentment
Cancer can cause changes in your relationship roles and affect your level of independence. For example, if the other person is used to doing tasks on their own but now needs help, they may feel angry at their situation and unintentionally direct these feelings towards you. If you are used to them doing lots for you, you may feel resentment if you now have to tackle these for you both.
Other common triggers of anger and resentment include:
- Financial pressure
- Lack of support
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Changes to routine
Self-esteem issues
Cancer can impact the self-esteem of the person diagnosed in many ways. It can cause changes to their appearance and can leave a person feeling insecure about their bodies.
Self-esteem can also be affected by psychological and emotional wellbeing. Your partner may not feel like themselves anymore; for instance, their sense of humour might have gone, or they might have missed doing an activity or hobby they enjoy.
Advice and guidance
Everyone deals with cancer and its effects differently and knowing how to start processing the impact of cancer on you both as individuals and your relationship can really help. If you both want to make positive changes, there are some steps you can try taking.
Maintain honest and open communication
Talking honestly about how you both feel is so important. Failing to acknowledge emotions or pushing them aside can lead to anger and resentment that is often directed toward the other person, which only results in further hurt on both sides.
Not every conversation will be an easy one but by recognising your own thoughts – as well as listening to and respecting those of your loved one – you can seek to gain a deeper understanding of the situation and each other.
Accept that things may be different
Accepting that things may be different after cancer can be really beneficial and help you to move past sticking points. Cancer can change people in so many ways both physically and psychologically. Rather than trying to put things back to how they were before a diagnosis, try embracing the changes and reevaluate your priorities together by creating short and long term goals.
Get continued support after recovery
Once someone has finished treatment, it’s not unusual to find that the support system they have fades away. This can be hard to deal with, especially if you are both still processing emotions, dealing with fatigue or not able to do everything you used to do.
If you need help, either as individuals or as a couple, don’t be worried to reach out and ask people for support. This could be emotional support, practical support, or even financial assistance. Talk to family and friends, contact charities and other organisations, and even speak to your employer (if you have one).
Seek professional help
If you are experiencing relationship challenges after cancer, seeking professional help could be worthwhile. A trained counsellor can work with you to discuss your issues, reduce conflict, and help you introduce problem-solving practices.
While we have ensured that every article is medically reviewed and approved, information presented here is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any questions or concerns, please talk to one of our healthcare professionals or your primary healthcare team.